The Strange Case of Brian Wilsons Missing Ring
By Paul Mahaney
I’ve been on assignment for the last couple of weeks, in Brian Wilson’s beard no less (it’s very busy in there what with gypsies and other strange anomalies; I’m the guy behind the follicle on the left) and if you have missed me then sir you are a gentleman and a scholar, unless of course you are a woman in which case you are not a gentleman.
No doubt everyone would prefer to talk about the playoffs, okay and the Marlins’ Henderson Alvarez throwing a no-hitter on the last day of the regular season today, but I’m after a Pulitzer Prize here and let’s face it, although Baseball Revival is a sports blog, this is online sports news.
Many out there see post done on blogs as nothing more than a open diary or journal hoping some stranger is attracted to the importance of our singular point of view.
Most of us worry little about our scribbling grammar in our journals with the exception of one’s former English teacher obtaining a warrant for your arrest for butchery of the English Language (like not crossing your T’s or dotting your I’s and other nonsense like dangling participles), but this is about critical baseball content folks.
Take Brian Wilson for instance, what he did Thursday night in San Francisco made news, baseball news, and it just added to the Giant Dodger rivalry, and actually bordered on weirdness.
B-Wheezy sauntered over to Chief Executive Officer of the Giants, one Larry Baer by name (I don’t know what Larry calls himself when he doesn’t go by name) and proceeded to howl at Mr. Baer asking where his 2012 World Series ring was?
This got me wondering (while the gypsies and I dangled helplessly on Brian’s beard over the railing) about how comedian Bob Newhart might handle this kind of public outburst of anger over a ring, that the Giants organization tried (unsuccessfully I might add) to give with a respectfully appropriate ceremony no less, to the otherwise highly intelligent Mr. Wilson during the year.
You know Bob Newhart, he’s the guy who had “The Bob Newhart Show” in 1961, and another series in 1972 called “The Bob Newhart Show” (no not the same Bob Newhart Show, but the same Bob Newhart) and yet another series in 1982 called, unlikely enough, “Newhart” with yes, Bob Newhart.
But before the many Bob Newhart shows Bob was an accountant (appropriate enough, especially since we are trying to account for a World Series ring here) and stand-up comedian, whose act consisted of Bob handling one side of a conversation in his act.
How might Bob Newhart handle this kind of conversation between Baer and Wilson with Bob doing the whole dialogue of Larry Baer?
So uh from the tone of your voice I take it you’re a little angry about not having received your World Series ring for last year?
Well Brian you did only pitch in just two games last year for us.
No I, I know it’s customary to give rings to players who are part of the team, even if they spend most of the time visiting the booth, or eating a frozen dinner from a Tray while watching the team on television.
No that was just a little joke to break the ice.
Uh no I don’t want you to break my face.
(Nervous laughter) Now that’s funny! No uh, we didn’t send it by Pony Express.
Yes uh, I think you could do stand-up in L.A. is that why you went there?
Yes I do know damn well why you went there, I was just kidding again that’s all.
What? Could I stop with the jokes? No I don’t think this is funny, well maybe just a little.
You want your ring? Yeah I, I got that much. Have you talked to Vladimir Puten. I hear he collects other people’s rings?
Is that suppose to be another joke, uh well I certainly hope it goes over that way.
Well we tried to invite you more than a few times to get the ring in a ceremony.
Yes uh I know, but you didn’t seem to mind all the public attention when you were playing for us?
No I wasn’t trying to cheapen the importance of your ring by calling it a little ceremony.
But trying to change the subject completely for a moment, did you know you sound a lot like Charley Sheen?
Well it’s kind of cool when you think about it; he played a closer in the movie “Major League” named “Wild Thing”.
Maybe you could wear some black rimmed glasses like him; it would go well with the dyed beard.
Right, don’t change the subject just give you the damn ring.
Okay but don’t you see the humor in all of this, you are pitching for the Dodgers where Tommy John pitched, you know, uh the guy named for the surgery you had.
Yes I get it you don’t want the irony just the ring. Well could we just mail it to you, you see my wife lost it down the drain at home when she was cleaning it for you.
Brian Wilson finally did get his ring this week when the Giants asked Dodger General Manager, Nick Colletti, to please give it to him. I wonder if Brian would consider pitching for the Giants next year?