2013 MASCOTAPALOOZA! Round One!

This week I struggled to find anything worth writing about without repeating myself over and over in posts. So. We get this. The 2013 Mascotapalooza! This is the MLB Edition and here’s how it works:

We’re going to do this tournament style. The Mascots have been randomly seeded and will fight it out in an all out street fight, Rocky V style. The winner will be determined by the highly scientific method of me saying who won with input from our second Judge and my good friend Mitch. The list of Mascots comes from here. There are 39 mascots on that list, but 7 Did Not Qualify for the tournament. Those 7 are:

  1. Rally Squirrel

  2. Mr. Redlegs

  3. Mrs. Met

  4. Junior

  5. Gapper

  6. Lefty and RIghty

  7. Rosie Red

Mascots WILL be permitted to use any accessories or Props that they normally carry. Now lets GET READY TO RUMBLE.

Ace V. Baxter the Bobcat

Bobcats > Birds. That’s just science.

Bernie the Brewer V. Billy the Marlin

In a battle between 2 umm… Heavyweights, the Barrel Chested Brewmaster took down the codfish by Knockout.

Captain Jolly Roger V. D-Backs Luchador

If the Movie Nacho Libre has taught be anything, it’s that Luchadors are stone cold killers. The good Captain tried to fend the beast off with his cutlass, but it was all for not. Luchador by KO.

Fredbird V. Dinger

I hate the Cardinals. But Fredbird is a solid mascot. He goes against a strong opponent in Dinger, but in the end Fredbird’s altitude advantage overtook Dingers brute size and lack of agility. Fredbird by split decision.

Homer V. Lou Seal

Cheap Mr. Met knockoffs stand no chance to a man with 1,150 consecutive home game appearances. Lou Seal by first round KO

Mr. Met V. Mariners Moose

Not only does Mariners Moose not have an actual name, he also did this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jZe1hDIEHJM

and this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=blmbK5naJZo&feature=player_embedded (fast forward to :30)

Mr. Met in a landslide.

Orbit V. Mr. Red

ORBIT IS A GREAT LOOKING MASCOT. LOOK AT THIS.. Also. Screw the Reds. Orbit wins.

Paws V. The Orioles Bird

Just like we learned with Baxter and Ace, Tiger > Birds.

Phillie Phanatic V. Pirates Parrot

The battle for the Keystone State! Both of these are SUPER heavy weights size wise, but the Parrot is no where near the Phanatics worldwide popularity. Winner goes to Phillie (At Least they can say they beat us in something this year.)

Pierogies V. Presidents

This match was a marathon (see what I did there), but the Presidents were weighed down by Teddys inability to win. Pierogies in a close one.

Rangers Captain V. Raymond

Rangers Captain. I don’t know why. I just thinks a man dressed as a horse deserves to win. Sue me.

DJ Kitty V. Sausages

You would think that the Sausages have a clear advantage here. But then you find out what DJ Kitty actually is. It’s this turned into this. DJ Kitty in an upset.

Screech V. Slider

I’m not a fan of reusing mascots. And the Nationals basically reused the Capitals. Slider wins.

Slugger V. Southpaw

Slugger falls victim to the infamous Southpaw Jinx. Just like Apollo Creed. Down goes Slugger.

Stomper V. Swinging Friar

HE IS A PRIEST WHO PLAYS BASEBALL AND IS FAT AND IS AWESOME. No contest. Stomper gets stomped.

T.C. the Bear V. Wally the Green Monster

I think Jim from the Office can describe this.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r-POY08-Mro

And if you can beat Battlestar Galactica. You can beat a Green Monster.

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About Chris

I'm just a 15 year old Pirates fan.

Posted on August 4, 2013, in 2013. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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