2013 MASCOTAPALOOZA! Round One!
This week I struggled to find anything worth writing about without repeating myself over and over in posts. So. We get this. The 2013 Mascotapalooza! This is the MLB Edition and here’s how it works:
We’re going to do this tournament style. The Mascots have been randomly seeded and will fight it out in an all out street fight, Rocky V style. The winner will be determined by the highly scientific method of me saying who won with input from our second Judge and my good friend Mitch. The list of Mascots comes from here. There are 39 mascots on that list, but 7 Did Not Qualify for the tournament. Those 7 are:
Lefty and RIghty
Mascots WILL be permitted to use any accessories or Props that they normally carry. Now lets GET READY TO RUMBLE.
Ace V. Baxter the Bobcat
Bobcats > Birds. That’s just science.
Bernie the Brewer V. Billy the Marlin
In a battle between 2 umm… Heavyweights, the Barrel Chested Brewmaster took down the codfish by Knockout.
Captain Jolly Roger V. D-Backs Luchador
If the Movie Nacho Libre has taught be anything, it’s that Luchadors are stone cold killers. The good Captain tried to fend the beast off with his cutlass, but it was all for not. Luchador by KO.
Fredbird V. Dinger
I hate the Cardinals. But Fredbird is a solid mascot. He goes against a strong opponent in Dinger, but in the end Fredbird’s altitude advantage overtook Dingers brute size and lack of agility. Fredbird by split decision.
Homer V. Lou Seal
Cheap Mr. Met knockoffs stand no chance to a man with 1,150 consecutive home game appearances. Lou Seal by first round KO
Mr. Met V. Mariners Moose
Not only does Mariners Moose not have an actual name, he also did this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=blmbK5naJZo&feature=player_embedded (fast forward to :30)
Mr. Met in a landslide.
Orbit V. Mr. Red
ORBIT IS A GREAT LOOKING MASCOT. LOOK AT THIS.. Also. Screw the Reds. Orbit wins.
Paws V. The Orioles Bird
Just like we learned with Baxter and Ace, Tiger > Birds.
Phillie Phanatic V. Pirates Parrot
The battle for the Keystone State! Both of these are SUPER heavy weights size wise, but the Parrot is no where near the Phanatics worldwide popularity. Winner goes to Phillie (At Least they can say they beat us in something this year.)
Pierogies V. Presidents
This match was a marathon (see what I did there), but the Presidents were weighed down by Teddys inability to win. Pierogies in a close one.
Rangers Captain V. Raymond
Rangers Captain. I don’t know why. I just thinks a man dressed as a horse deserves to win. Sue me.
DJ Kitty V. Sausages
Screech V. Slider
I’m not a fan of reusing mascots. And the Nationals basically reused the Capitals. Slider wins.
Slugger V. Southpaw
Slugger falls victim to the infamous Southpaw Jinx. Just like Apollo Creed. Down goes Slugger.
Stomper V. Swinging Friar
HE IS A PRIEST WHO PLAYS BASEBALL AND IS FAT AND IS AWESOME. No contest. Stomper gets stomped.
T.C. the Bear V. Wally the Green Monster
I think Jim from the Office can describe this.
And if you can beat Battlestar Galactica. You can beat a Green Monster.