The Average Fan Ponders Deeper Thoughts

By Paul Mahaney

I sit here in this great Lyceum of learning, better known as the ballpark, and think back to my mentor Aristotle as I watch the fans entering during batting practice to find their seats, and I wonder, what makes us average?

I look down the press box, where the great pontificators of baseball sit, and I ponder how they could possibly see us as nothing more than the average fan? Do you feel average, Joe fan?5925104047_0c42b25668_z

They (the great sports journalist) always have the answers for what’s right or wrong with our team or baseball in general. Yet I feel that we (insert the phrase average fan) know what the really important questions are.

You see, I believe answers only make you a know it all, but questions, questions my son make you wise. That is, if you know which ones to ask and boy do we (the average fan) know what questions to ask, some really important ones too.

Like why we spend per person, around $50.00 a game for just a ticket, food, and parking, but still are unable to afford souvenirs although my kids seldom failed to arrive home empty handed?

Now once you are able to reconcile the rush hour traffic that is above you, living under an overpass is not so bad. And look on the bright side; at least we saw our team lose in person, which always happens when we go as a family, but that’s about average.

Meanwhile back at home (when I had one), did you know we only watched baseball games on television for about 15 minutes on average, or so the Nielsen’s tell us? But that’s okay as I am average and in good company, and besides advertisers like us, or at least our money.

And did you further know that my wife feels I have too much time on my hands to be standing around watching baseball, so I sat down during those 15 minutes of watching baseball, guess I showed her?

But then of course, you wouldn’t know that, that would make you extraordinary, and we’ll have none of that here, because we’re all average, remember?
When your average your free to weigh in on the even greater mysteries.

037fFor instance did you know that the first Black man to umpire a game in the Majors was Emmett Ashford, the only Black man to do so until 1993? However Mr. Ashford is not in the Baseball Hall of Fame, Why?

I think someone who shall remain nameless (Cooperstown) dropped the ball there, don’t you?

Makes us (the average fan) wonder who the first Native American was to umpire a game? We (the average fan) have no time to be bothered by the trivial matters of the game, only the most important issues of the day for us.

We are destined to be curious about whom the first baseball player was to have a Bobble Head made in his likeness? This may not seem important to you sports media journalist, but that’s why were average, and you are not.

Or why the Dodgers have not yet made a Bobble Head of Yasiel Puig? Why is it taking so long, I mean come on it’s been a whole week already?puig031613
Beanie Babies, we the average fan rushed out in droves to get them on giveaway day. I can’t remember why the Giants gave away a “Tuffy the Dog” one, but I do understand the reason the A’s gave us the “Peanut the Elephant” Beanie Baby, because he is their mascot. Oh the things you learn when your average.

What I am really disturbed about though is why I actually wanted one in the first place, and if I still own one? Sure my wife nags me about how I clutter up the closet with the giveaways, that I never give away, but they’re valuable.

Unfortunately that leads to her next question, “If they’re so valuable dear, how come they are cluttering up the closet, and are not out on display?” Ha wives, what are you going to do with them right? Such silly questions they ask, but enough of that she’s coming back into the room.

And looking back on it now, I ask why did I do 75 in a 65 mile per hour zone to be among the first 15,000 fans to get one, and if that makes me average, why only the first 15,000? Think about that for a second; is that the average attendance at your team’s stadium?

Was it because they were free, maybe? But I just had to have one, no matter what the cost of that ticket. No not the game ticket, the ticket I got for speeding. Don’t ask about that, that will make you less than average.

Okay here’s another question we (the average fan) seldom think about anymore, probably because it’s too painful, but what happened to our baseball cards?
Maybe the card dealers decided that the average fan (kids) would just put them on the spokes of their bikes? Well they did sound cool.

The powers that be (card moguls all) obviously felt that cardboard gold deserved a better place of display than on my 3 speed lime green stingray bike wheel.spokes

billy-ripken-error-cardWell my neighbor, Bobby Douglas, elevated the status of his Billy Ripkin Obscenity Bat card by putting it on his new 10 speed bike, so why penalize all of us because of what he did?

Do you, now destitute baseball card dealers, know that my above average rookie cards went in my cigar box next to my stale Topps Bubble Gum? Well then why didn’t you ask?

For the record, years later, my above average Upper Deck Cards found their way into my plastic sheet binders, so there. Then the card market crashed and we all became average. I’m still waiting for the Federal bailout! I’m not bitter though, I’m just average!


Posted on June 9, 2013, in Athletics, Dodgers, Giants and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. Funny stuff. I think what is scary about this is that your last three have left me in stitches, and your blog is becoming a must read for me. The Puig bobble head, and the bailout LOL!

  2. Thank you Melinda, it is all tongue and cheek entertainment anyway. If I manage to make you laugh while talking about the game we love, I’ve done my job. By the way, I love my blog readers, so thank you for looking in regularly it is very much appreciated.

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