By Paul Mahaney
Alright I admit this looks a little silly but I had a little too much to drink after yesterdays game, but who could blame me after what I saw. And okay I bawl uncontrollably a lot of late, but there is no need for name calling fella. Wow its dark down here.
Where was I, Oh, you asked me, what is the matter Paul, someone take your rattle away? No just my teams pitching, my hanky, and an entire box of tissue, and so that is what has brought me to this.
What is a man-child to do though when his favorite team (World Champions no less) suddenly develops a pitching staff like the Houston Astros, I ask you? Plus what’s a guy to do when an umpire decides to subtract runs earned, from the scoreboard, simply because he refuses to get Lasik eye surgery? Who does he think he is, a hawk?
The other day I was thought about sending an open letter to the Giants GM, Brian Sabean, requesting a trade to the Marlins, but not for the team, for me! Miami has sunny warm beaches unlike “Ocean Beach” out here where you would freeze to death before you drown. I mean if you are going to commit suicide over your team, and awful umpiring, best die happy right?
One reason I am crying so much, “stop laughing at me guys” is the cruddy umpiring of late. I cite yesterday as another example of what umpires are doing to the game. Brandon Belt of the Giants scored what appeared to be the go ahead run in the 7th inning when he slid safely between the legs of Rockies catcher Yorvit Torrealba, and all this occurred right under the nose of umpire Alfonso Marquez, perhaps the worst location for any play to take place, given the state of umpiring these days.
I am pointing my finger at you Marquez (the middle one I think, but I cannot be sure in my present condition) because in the very next inning you called out Giant second baseman Marco Scutero on a phantom tag while backing up a play at third base! This again deprived the Giants of possibly taking the lead, geez were you even at the game Mr. Marquez? I thought as much.
Another round for my friend the umpire down at the end of the bar bartender, just don’t put the glass under his nose, he might miss it. Besides he is going to need a stiff belt when baseball gets around to instant replay. What do you mean I am watering down my beer? Duh, I know am crying, you don’t need to tell, tell me I am crying my good, my good, who are you again? Oh the bartender, yeah right I got ya.
And did you know that the usually dependable Barry Zito, well at home anyway, gave up 4 runs early thus adding to his 3.91 ERA. With runs becoming harder to come by of late, the last thing we needed (we being the Giants, as I only include myself in much the same way a husband say’s “We had a baby”) is an umpire blowing more calls.
Anyway (sniff), back to the problem of “GIANT” pitching woes, our number five starter Ryan Vogelsong during had his best start the other night, and while nursing a 5 to 0 lead over the Washington Nationals was hit by a pitch and broke his little finger.
All I can say is when are the powers that be in baseball, going to demand this designated hitter rule (I’ve never liked the rule, just saying) for both leagues?
I wanted to call in to the local sports talk shows proposing a deal where we trade Ryan Vogelsong with his big fat 7.19 ERA to Houston for Brad (can you say batting practice homeruns) Peacock with a 9.41 ERA. But that was before Vogelsong’s injury compelled me to nix that idea. Call me a cry baby, but nobody does that, do they? Snookered yeah, but cry baby, no.
Good thing I did not though (hiccup), they might have accepted the deal as the Astros might have offered Phillip Humber and Erik Bedard with their 8.82 and 7.36 ERA’s respectively, or respectably for Tim Lincecum, who although not Cy Young material anymore, would still be an upgrade for the Astros. We on the other hand (the Giants that is) would just look putrid if that deal happened.
In my current condition I might have added work horse and injured reliever, Santiago Casilla. However (sobbing), that would leave us with the ever porous Jeremy Affeldt, who had a recently injured hand, probably due to finishing his new book while he was on injured reserve.
But then again the Astros aren’t stupid just bad, and I don’t mean bad like in bad ass. I mean they stink… shush quiet, they, they might hear us, sorry, sorry Houston.
Hey this just in, umpire Alfonso Marquez just called Angel Pagan out at the plate after Pagan hit an inside the park homerun to win the game for the Giants, putz!
Oh Taxi, I need a designated driver to get home. Hey buddy, can you say replay, I knew that you could. Where, where did my stool go? Boy do you need to sober up guys, and stop crying in my beer. Oh that’s me.
Posted on May 26, 2013, in 2013, Astros, Giants, MLB, Nationals, Rockies and tagged Alphonso Marquez, Angel Pagan, Bad Umpires, Barry Zito, Brandon Belt, Brian Sabean, Erik Bedard, Jeremy Affeldt, Ocean Beach, Phillip Humber, Ryan Vogelsong, Santiago Casilla, Tim Lincecum, Yorvit Torrealba. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.